(Typed to the tune of Digital Sea by Thrice)

So I bought a scooter. It was second-hand when I bought it, only 563km on the clock, good condition, for the princely sum of R6000. I  named it THE BLACK BADGER and, over 4000km,  it has since tried to kill me in as many ways as possible…

For those of you not familiar with these death traps let me tell you that they are the most dangerous Asian thing in the world, taking number one spot from Bruce Lee. Sure, I can fill my tank for R17 but I need to hold my dashboard on while I drive and tie my license plate on with string and cable ties. I’ve spent a further R6000 fixing the thing which is just sick. I have to admit at this point that a lot of it comes down to my bad driving. Within 5 minutes of climbing on it for the first time I had already crashed into someone’s flower garden (sorry!). I’ve hit pavements, gates, more pavements, almost a cat, taxis, got struck by a boy on a bicycle (I won), went over the handlebars, stalled HALFWAY THROUGH a busy intersection, locked my brakes going down Ou Kaapse Weg in a thunder strom (okay, that was stupid), almost t-boned an old lady’s car, almost struck several pedestrians, nearly went over the side of a mountain pass in heavy mist, had my scooter slip out from underneath me in wet conditions…the list continues.

But then I had to send it for repairs and had to rely on Metrorail to get to work…I was so happy when they phoned me to come pick the scooter up! It might be a death trap but it’s my death trap.



  1. I once had a bike that tried to kill me, especially before school, which almost didn’t make me mind at all.

    Until (now this is a true story) a tall dark man with a straw hat appeared out of nowhere one day…”Let me see your bike” he asked politely. He adjusted the handlebars holding the rest of the bike tight between his thighs and said, “There you go.” and promptly disappeared.

    My bike never caused me any pain afterwards, in fact, it was soon dismantled to be reconstructed as a friend’s BMX, which wound up being HIS death-trap.

    So there’s a moral in there someplace, but I just can’t place my finger on it yet…


  2. haha so classic dude. Reminds me of that time I stopped at the Clovelly robots.. The dam thing wouldn’t change to green. So I calmly kicked the kick-stand down, walked over, and hit the pedestrian button.

    Soon after, I was off. Taking a right onto the main road towards fish hoek.

    The first left turn caught me by surprise. Talk about a front flip over the handlebars..

    Agree tho, dam expensive pieces of machinery when bought “2nd hand”

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