“Remember when I said I loved you, well, forget it, I take it back.I was just a stupid kid back then, I take back every word that I said.” -Alkaline Trio, Stupid Kid.

I’ve decided to give up my dream of becoming the Minister Of Foreign Affairs after discovering that that’s not ACTUALLY what it means…

Which brings me to this topic, in some perverse roundabout way…LOVE. Everyone has encountered love in some way in their lives, some had good experiences, some had bad. Funny, they never seemed bad at the time but that’s the thing with love. It’s like a ninja, creeping up behind you, slitting your throat then dragging you into a bush to slowly die…yeah, I had the bad experiences. I think it’s because I’m too nice. At least, that’s what I like to believe. I can’t imagine what else could drive someone to cheat on you. Twice. But I refuse to change. My niceness is what defines me and, strangely, what attracted all of my exes to me. I worry I’ll become one of those arrogant guys with no regard for others. I’m sorry I’m not that exciting or whatever, I enjoy doing crosswords, stuff you!

I was kinda slow entering the love arena. I had plenty crushes when I was younger but I was a timid soul and could never muster the chutzpah to tell any girl how I felt. When I finally did tell one girl, she moved overseas a few days later. – 10 points. I had my first girlfriend when I was 18 and it was…eventful. She got really frustrated teaching me how to kiss. Yeah, that’s right. And when I eventually gained some level of mastery I ended up in the dog box anyway when one day I was given the decision between kissing her or watching Spongebob. It was a good episode.

It also doesn’t help my standing with the ladies that my sexual preference was often in question. Just because I’m neat, polite, soft-spoken and gentle does not make me gay. Just because my hair used to be shoulder length, just because I walk with a slight wag and a bounce in my step, does not make me gay. Just because ONCE a guy left his fiance and turned gay after meeting me does not make me gay. Sure, it’s a convincing argument but I insist I’m not.

Since then, every year, it’s been the same. Around March, I meet a new girl. That lasts a few months and I’m always single again by my birthday in December. Rinse and repeat. Gets a bit old, I can tell you. I should stay away from girls who have what I like to call Hungry Dog Syndrome. Always looking for a bigger bone…

I actually read today that the beginning stages of love are often confused with lust or infatuation and that those strong feelings of lust are quick to fade. Maybe that explains it. Was that all I was? I’m not even sure how I feel about that.

I’m scared now that I might be too hesitant to jump back in. I’ve been hurt so often that I might end up retreating into a toughguy shell and suppressing my emotions to the point that I can no longer love at all. Although that’s not likely. Hopefully.

So now I’m at that point in my life where I just couldn’t care less. Love is in the air? Hand me a gas mask. It’s career first, I’m afraid. I have responsibilities that I can’t, and don’t want to, shirk. Perhaps the love ninja will strike me down again sometime soon but I’m in no rush. As it was, this March was like doing the Tango, sidestepping girls who were interested. 4 in 3 days! That’s like the sum total of all the girlfriends I’ve had (kinda)! Funny how when you don’t want them, they’re everywhere. Kinda like zombies…But it’s definitely a self-confidence issue. I’ve never been the most self-assured, what with the way I’ve been treated in the past, but recently marked a real return to form, as it were. Back to how I was at school. Except I’m finally confident just being me. Not who I think girls want me to be but me. I was feeling so confident I even got voted Most Eligible Bachelor at my last place of employment! The managers entered me into a bloody competition…To be fair, there were only two guys working there but still. See pic above, would you vote for that? No, me neither. BECAUSE I’M NOT GAY! But that’s the beauty of it (excuse the pun), I no longer care that I might not be the most attractive, the strongest or whatever. I’m just having fun being me. And one day, hopefully, I’ll find a girl who is happy with that. I might have to blow her up myself but hey, beggars can’t be choosers…



  1. No jokes. One of the best blog posts I have ever read. It also basically summed up every dude that was the least bit confident during school.
    (except for that Shaun dude who hooked up with that other geeky chick – who after 2 years decided she is actually a dyke. Thats just bad luck.)

    To me, love reminds me of back in the day when my gran used to chase me with the slipper. She got close, but ultimately failed miserably in the end.

    Which is kinda like all those “loving relationships”..
    Yeah sure, one second you “think” u in love. The next, you are just old news. “I thought I was in love with you, but now I am not.”

    Love certainly does not agree with time..

  2. […] Love – Awesome post by Zenbadger. […]

  3. “Lovelove love lovelove ” – knocked up

  4. I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

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