Other day I saw a poster for that accursed High School Musical and thought to myself “That’s not what schools are like!” So I thought I would give South African versions of a few movies.
High School Musical
Everyone knows that high schools here, primary schools even, are nothing like the squeaky clean schools portrayed in that atrocious movie. Schools are breeding grounds (excuse the pun) for underage pregnancies, drug abuse, clandestine cigarette breaks on the field and alcohol consumption. In my high school there were no mass singalongs, no hard choices between being a star sportsman or a singing dancing ponce (most of the jocks did both at mine) and no Ashley Tisdale. We had kids building full-scale tanks, digging tunnels under the sports fields, having stone wars, blowing holes in blazers with firecrackers, kickboxers getting into fights with groups of gangsters, lighting desks with lighters and aerosol cans, making teachers cry, teachers pouring whiskey in their coffee flasks, teachers punting books they wrote themselves rather than our setwork books…and that was a school in a decent area!
Taxi Driver
I’ll admit, I haven’t seen the movie with Robert De Niro but I reckon all you’d need for a good thriller is stick a clueless white boy in the middle of nowhere and film his first taxi ride. I know mine almost killed me.
RoboCop
eRoboCop: Desist, citizen! You were driving 61.879kph in a 60kph zone! You are under arrest!
Citizen: *(thinks) Oh crap, eRoboCop!* I’m sorry, officer, I didn’t mean to! You couldn’t let me off this one time?
eRoboCop: No, the law is the law!
Citizen: What if I were to give you…this can of WD40?
eRobocop: Very well, citizen, this is your first warning. Drive safely.
Transformers
Durban Indian streetracers who take modding their cars to the next level. Starring Megan Foxigarahesh.
Rambo
He came back from the border, alone, reeking of brandy and ready to take down anyone who disagreed with him. Which is everyone to a drunk war vet.
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